Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize