You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize