i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
