I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
