Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
