I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
