guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
