so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
