I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
