HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
