yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
