So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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