Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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