Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
