Acid is not a monday night drug
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
