why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
