Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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