I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
