tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
