I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
