I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
