is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
