okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
