Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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