just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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