ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize