Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
