THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just invented taco cereal.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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