I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
