You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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