I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
