now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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