I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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