3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
