I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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