My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
