Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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