True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
