Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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