It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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