I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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