At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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