One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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