in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
