So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
