I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I CAN MOONWALK!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
