i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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