i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
