Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
