Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize