Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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