i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
