I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize