Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize