Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
