we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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