Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
