i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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