the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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