Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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