How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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