"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
