the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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