Soap is not a condiment
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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