this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
