Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
