It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
