As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
