HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
