if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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