After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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