glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need a beard to bite.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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