she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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